Under the Guise of Respect

After finding my old phone, I was finally able to look deeper into why I had been feeling sick lately.

At first I assumed it was because my menstruation was starting, but that has never really made me feel sick before, so it could not fully explain what was happening.

Then came the second possibility.

During my trip to do a series of tests in exchange for money, one of those tests happened to be a blood test. During the blood draw, it quickly became obvious that something was off. My blood was not flowing properly and the person drawing it even assumed I must dislike drinking water.

That part confused me.

I had been drinking almost nothing except water and cranberry juice for the entire past week.

I could not understand what was causing the issue.

I also noticed my blood looked darker than usual. Maybe because of the concentration. If that even makes sense.

Then the next day came the knocking.

Not normal knocking either.

A few rude knocks at my door from my mother.

The kind of knocking where you can already feel the mood before the door even opens.

She knew I was changing. I was completely naked on the other side of the door and told her to wait.

Apparently that was unacceptable because everything had to happen exactly on her schedule or not at all.

After finally getting dressed and opening the door, I realized she barely even needed me. She waved me away almost immediately after I made myself available.

Apparently it had something to do with an insurance call.

Which honestly made the situation even more ridiculous because if it was important, she could have simply texted me beforehand instead of creating chaos out of poor timing and impatience.

She was supposedly too busy being on the phone to explain things to me properly, yet somehow had enough time to aggressively rush me in the first place.

That contradiction told me enough already.

Then came the real strategy.

Because I was not behaving according to her standards — standards that did not even make sense — she decided to send her husband in my direction.

And she knew exactly what she was doing.

You do not suddenly forget what your husband is capable of emotionally just because it is convenient.

She knows he becomes aggressive when emotionally charged. She knows exactly what phrases trigger him. She knows how quickly he shifts into defending her no matter the situation.

I am not looking at an innocent child who suddenly developed a brain yesterday.

She is a grown woman who has spent years holding age and authority over me whenever it benefited her, so I refuse to pretend she suddenly became unaware of her own actions now.

During the discussion with her husband, it became obvious that he believed I had deeply disrespected her simply because I told her to wait.

In his eyes, his wife can do no wrong because she is his everything.

What he fails to realize is that this exact mindset guarantees he will never see her clearly.

If she is automatically correct no matter what, then someone else always has to become wrong in her place.

Usually me.

So while being yelled at disrespectfully about respect, accused harshly, and never actually heard out, I decided I no longer cared to explain myself nicely.

I simply returned the energy back.

Of course that did not go well.

Nothing here ever really does.

Then, naturally, my mother stepped in afterward pretending to be the peacemaker even though she was the reason the chaos started in the first place.

She set off the pitbull and pointed it toward the child.

After that, I suddenly received another lecture about respect.

Apparently after months of nobody caring whether or not I said “good morning,” it suddenly became disrespectful because things were no longer going their way.

Now I am expected to acknowledge him every morning under the guise of respect.

My own mother barely even cares about receiving a good morning.

He knows it was never treated as disrespect before.

I know it too.

Then came retaliation disguised as responsibility.

Because I pointed out how both him and my mother were wrong, I am now expected to start handling some of her responsibilities too.

Now I have to take the trash out every Thursday night and bring the bin back in Friday morning.

It sounds small.

But retaliation always starts small.

You give people an inch and eventually they demand entire marathons from you.

Especially people like this. They've never taken just a mile.

Things always sound reasonable when hidden under words like “respect” and “responsibility.”

Reality usually looks different underneath.

I also realized how easy it was to fake my attention span during the “we care about you” speech afterward.

Anybody reading this far already knows that was never true.

Lately it feels like I am being forced to emotionally accommodate people I never agreed to emotionally carry in the first place.

And slowly, her husband is beginning to feel like another emotional burden added onto me too.

Starting small.

I do not want it getting larger.

If that role is going to exist, then it will have to be forced onto me because I do not consent to any part of this situation or how I have been treated inside of it.

Unfortunately, I am too broke to move out and jobs are scarce.

So for now, they remain my best option when I should have never been treated like an option to begin with.

Still… if I have to endure manipulative people, then the cost should at least be paid in full.

Not a cent less.