Today was as hot as it could be.
I wear jackets to work because they’re expendable when I clean. The shift went by fast. I could’ve left early, but I’m paid hourly, so I stayed lol. While working, my mind kept drifting.
I found myself thinking about everything at once — my family dynamic and its unspoken undertones, my outlook on friendships, my dating history, my early retirement plan, and how I’m supposed to choose the path toward a second education.
All of this while occasionally encountering what can only be described as gothic-looking horrors disguised as insects. If you could even call them that.
Yesterday I saw a mosquito as long as my index finger perched outside the door. I opened it slowly, like you would when facing an eldritch horror. I had to remove the threat before it scared away customers. Once that was done, I left… only to realize I forgot to return my work hat. My coworker had a nice causal chuckle.
That mistake cost me time. I missed a few buses. My schedule got thrown off. Two people were contacting me at once. It felt like chaos.
By the time I reached the library, I saw two familiar homeless people outside. They looked as fragile and worn as always — one old, small, and deeply wrinkled, the other with a childlike expression in a worn wheelchair wiith the same starvation etched into her body. She was clearly very mentally disabled.
I hesitated for a moment, then handed over my bag of chips. I could eat later. They would always need some food.
I can still see how her eyes lit up at the sight of food in my hand. For a second, she looked young again.
After that, a strange longing settled in me. I wondered how my friends were doing.
I learned a bit more about Ctow today. I might start calling him the neon ninja because of his profile decorations. He seems genuinely kind, thoughtful, and maybe neurodivergent based on what he’s shared. He asks questions, listens, and actually engages. Our conversations don’t feel dry or cardboard-like.
He sent me two videos.
One focused on productivity and self-management for people navigating neurodivergence — especially autism and ADHD. It was framed like an open letter to a past self, full of practical systems and mindset shifts. I wasn't surprised that it resonated with me. I was labeled as having Asperger’s autism at one point. I heard it ever since after a certain point. I don’t talk about it much. People like me are often misunderstood, reduced, or dismissed. I tend to let it be a surprise after seeing the looks of disappointment from those who considered me a biological failure.
The second video explored the Cult of Done Manifesto — a set of principles encouraging creators to finish things, embrace imperfection, and move forward without getting trapped in perfectionism. It was about building, iterating, and letting growth happen through action.
I ended up liking the videos enough to join a Discord community from the creator of No Boilerplate.
Another friend reached out just to say hello. For now I’ll call him Tame Impala — his profile picture gives it away. He struggles with being misunderstood, but we cleared up a small miscommunication quickly. I told him to listen to how others speak, then adjust his speech pattern to meet them halfway. He appreciated that.
Then there’s my longest-running friend. Foxy lady. We haven’t talked much lately. We were gaming buddies back in Chimera Land. I miss her. I think I’ll try reaching out today.
There are others, too… but I feel drained explaining everything right now.
It’s been a long day. Hot. Busy. Full of thoughts, people, and small moments that stuck longer than expected.
I think I’ll stop here for now and maybe continue in a few hours.
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