Different Ways to Know Someone

Yesterday was a bit of a mental trip.

I found myself thinking about how people connect with each other. Sometimes it feels like people only want to chat with me casually, not really see me as a person. Acquaintances are fine and all, but I still find myself wanting long-term friends. The kind that stay at least a year… or however long it naturally lasts.

Earlier I had been bullied in a Discord general chat by some minors who joined. After confirming their age and their disrespect, they were blocked. That situation reminded me again that basic human decency is a choice. Not something guaranteed.

Later I spoke with Gin and Muffy about something that had been on my mind.

Gin explained that he prefers getting to know someone through shared time and moments. He said things like wanting to play together, watch things together, have deep talks naturally. At one point he said:

"I don't want to read you like a book. You are a human, not a few pages."

At first that sentence bothered me more than I expected.

My blog is a part of my life. I write here almost every day. I thought sharing my thoughts and experiences might help my friends feel closer to me. So hearing that made me briefly wonder if I misunderstood how connection works.

But the more we talked, the clearer it became that he wasn't rejecting me. He was just explaining the way he personally connects with people.

Muffy helped clarify something important too.

When she once told me that my life felt like a good book, she explained she meant my story, not that I myself was just something to read. She reminded me that everyone has a story, and sharing it can help people who have gone through similar things.

I also explained something to her that I hadn't said clearly before.

Real-time conversations can feel awkward for me sometimes. I don't always know how to bring things up naturally. Writing is different. Through writing I have time to think. I can say what I mean without rushing or risking misunderstandings as much.

It's one of the reasons I ended up liking this journal so much.

For a moment I worried that if someone's preferred way of connecting is something I'm not naturally good at, it might strain the friendship. Most of my friendships are long distance, so writing felt like the clearest way I knew how to share myself.

Muffy reminded me of something simple though.

"Don't lose you for someone else's preference."

That stuck with me.

Gin wasn't rejecting me.
He was explaining his way of connecting.

And writing is still mine.

Maybe connection doesn't follow just one path. Sometimes it's moments. Sometimes it's words

Some people understand someone through shared moments.
Others understand them through their story.

Both are still ways of knowing a person.