Running on Three Hours

Today I woke up after getting only three hours of sleep. My mother and stepdad had TikTok videos on full blast just outside my door intentionally. They didn’t seem to notice until about an hour and thirty minutes later when I finally opened the door.

Then I went and did my job. I did amazingly despite wanting to sleep and feeling like a zombie, probably thanks to my choco muffin and strawberry Monster can.

The Monster tasted way better.

After work I went to the library. Along the way I picked up some Ol’ Skool Asari… I think.

I ended up having it cold since the bus was late.

Then I finally ended up picking up a take-home Brown Butter Almond Brittle.

Since it’s been raining outside, some of the buses were leaking. Not on me though. But I was surprised at how many people were perfectly fine letting mystery drops fall on them.

One of the buses also smelled like someone peed on it.

I avoided that too.

When I got home my stepdad said, “Let me talk to you about something I don’t like.”

He then proceeded to give a gentle talk about replacing a door that I kicked in.

Today I woke up after getting only three hours of sleep. My mother and stepdad had TikTok videos on full blast just outside my door. They didn’t seem to notice until about an hour and thirty minutes later when I finally opened the door.

Then I went and did my job. I did amazingly despite wanting to sleep and feeling like a zombie, probably thanks to my choco muffin and strawberry Monster can.

The Monster tasted way better.

After work I went to the library. Along the way I picked up some Ol’ Skool Asari… I think.

I ended up having it cold since the bus was late.

Then I finally ended up picking up a take-home Brown Butter Almond Brittle.

Since it’s been raining outside, some of the buses were leaking. Not on me though. But I was surprised at how many people were perfectly fine letting mystery drops fall on themselves.

One of the buses also smelled like someone peed on it.

I avoided that too.

When I got home my stepdad said, “Let me talk to you about something I don’t like.”

He then proceeded to give a gentle talk about replacing a door that I kicked in.

Then he said there’s nothing but love in this house.

Yet somehow it’s always at my expense.

I didn’t fully notice his wording at first because I was cleaning up while he was talking. But later something he said stuck with me.

The phrase: “I love destroying things?”

For what?

That narrative is still floating around from the lies my mother tells.

That happened after I realized my mother was as fake as ever. The realization turned into an argument. As usual, consent meant nothing and the manipulation kept going.

When words stopped working, I raged.

I locked myself inside the room and kicked the door.

That finally told her to quit manipulating me when words couldn’t.

My family, as usual, thrives on reactive abuse.

Apparently my stepdad thinks I like to destroy things.

Since when?

People seem to enjoy waiting until someone reaches that point, just so they can hold it over their head afterward.

Funny how that works. "Nothing but Love right?' Their love is worthless.